Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
Chuck Norris asked his script writer for more dialogue and the script writer said "Chuck you mean more grunting?"
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe." Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work." Company softball team downsized to chess team. Company president now driving a Hyundai. Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
Client: "The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like "blorange."
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell. A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.