Best jokes ever

Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
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More jokes about: animal, food, Thanksgiving
Two programmers in a bar: Do you see that chick there? Look at here “properties”! Yes, I’ve already “tested” here last night... they are read-only!
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More jokes about: IT
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
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More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea? A good start.
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More jokes about: black people, racist
Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her. Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her. Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
Vote: has 39.66 % from 182 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, wife
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
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More jokes about: life
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: game, marriage, Valentines day
Yo momma’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.
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More jokes about: Yo mama
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
Vote: has 39.64 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, family, military
What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.
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More jokes about: school