Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
Yo momma's so stupid, she gave your uncle a bl*wjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment.
Where to birds invest their money? In the stork market!
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"