What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp?
The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
Yo momma’s so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
Good advice for cocktail parties: If you can’t say something nice about someone, just hold your drink and listen to others who can’t either.
What does a blonde use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter.
They say about money that you can’t take it with you.
I can’t even afford to go.
Yo Mama so old...
She used to gang bang with the Flintstones.
Your momma so fat...
Her blood type is Ragu.
Three guys are riding in their truck while drinking beer, having a good ol' time.
The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car so he pulls over.
The other two are real nervous, "What do we do with our beers?
We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "just do this: pull the label off of your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking."
So they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick 'em to their foreheads.
The policeman walks up and says, "You boys were swerving down the road.
Have you been drinking?"
The driver says, "Oh, no officer," and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."