Chuck Norris is never late... time is just early.
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Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again.
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement.
He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections.
One night they went to a party.
He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.
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Chuck Norris broke a mirror and got 7 years of good luck.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
We have our water metered and it’s very expensive.
The other day the house was on fire and we didn’t know whether it would be cheaper to let it burn.