This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed a two-hour special of "Lost."
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?" "Nowhere", the first drunk replied. "And where do you live?", he asks the other. "We're neighbours."
Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other. One of them falls down. "Are you OK?" asks the other. "I think so," says the proton. "You sure?" the other asks. "Yeah," says the proton..."I'm positive."
YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!