Chuck Norris plays Scrabble with numbers. And wins.
Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
No time for gym? Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane? A: Kitty-hawk
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
Chuck Norris needs no introduction, but if you need an introduction, you need Chuck Norris.
A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
Chuck Norris can braid a bald head.
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"