What kind of money do marsupials use? Pocket change!
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
What does an annoying pepper do? It get's jalapeño face
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.