The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
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Chuck Norris hates both the player and the game.
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Earth is not spinning around the sun.
The sun is just desperately trying to keep a distance to Chuck Norris.
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Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house?
The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
The Reapers in the Mass Effect series were actually Chuck Norris' baby toys.
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I took two marriage vows.
Silence and poverty.
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’
Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’
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A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer.
A man passes and asks him what the matter is.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk.
‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’