Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
I took two marriage vows.
Silence and poverty.
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’
Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’
Vote:
A drunk is sitting on a park bench staring disconsolately at a bottle of beer.
A man passes and asks him what the matter is.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ says the drunk.
‘My heart says yes, my mind says no, and I haven’t heard from my liver in two days.’
Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
What kind of rings do men need for marriage?
Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffe-Ring
Endu-Ring
Wife complains husband,
"When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home
I'm scared that someone will rape me."
"Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
Do you know why your mother is called Egypt?
Because every time she shits she leaves a pyramid...
A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets.
Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there."
Bobby: "No probs, Dad."
Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium.
Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."