Best jokes ever

A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?" "Nowhere", the first drunk replied. "And where do you live?", he asks the other. "We're neighbours."
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Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other. One of them falls down. "Are you OK?" asks the other. "I think so," says the proton. "You sure?" the other asks. "Yeah," says the proton..."I'm positive."
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More jokes about: alcohol
YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!
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More jokes about: age, insulting, Yo mama
Two blonds were driving to Disneyland. The sing said: Disneyland Left. So they started crying and headed home.
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How does the LAPD play poker? Four clubs beat a king.
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A stewardess approaches a passenger on a flight. ‘Would you care for an orange juice, sir?’ The passenger replies, ‘Sure, if it needed me.’
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More jokes about: alcohol
Why did Tom come home drunk and leave his clothes on the floor? He was in them.
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Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
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More jokes about: men, women
Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island, and could not think of a way to get off it. One of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out. "I will grant you each a wish," he said. "Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try." "I want to be the world's best swimmer," one said, "so I can swim off of the island". She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away. "I want to be a bird," one said, and flew away immediately. The third and last blonde thought for a while. "I want to be a man." She was instantly transformed into a man, and she walked over the bridge to the mainland.
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More jokes about: blonde