Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris".
Q: What do you get when a dinosaur scores a touchdown? A: A dino-score.
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Q: What do you call two Asians playing basketball? A: Ping-Pong
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
You all know why the government got rid of the mafia? They don't like completion.