Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.
Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
Why did the basketball player go to jail? "Because he shot the ball!"
You all know why the government got rid of the mafia? They don't like completion.
Gods walking around heaven taking a stroll and sees a little black baby all sad and depressed sitting on a curb, God asks him whats wrong the black boy says i wanna be a angel, so God snaps his fingers and the boy gets wings he is all excited, and he says am i an angel? God says NO NIGGA YOU A BAT!
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"
Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.