A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody.
So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him.
Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?"
so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street.
So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?".
Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President.
So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this."
Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?"
So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope.
So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope."
So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out.
He goes down there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?" he goes
"No somebody walked behind me and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"
What kind of money do marsupials use?
Pocket change!
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention.
It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk.
"What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle?
That's a stupid!
Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it.
I've got something else though.
It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude.
You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
What does an annoying pepper do?
It get's jalapeño face
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
How is an earnest lawyer called?
An oxymoron.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
Discussion between two future lawyers:
I don’t understand why they rejected me!
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients.
What did you tell them?
I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands!
You’re hands?
What do you mean?
Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...