Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
What’s the difference between a nigger and a pizza? Pizza doesn’t scream in the roaster!
A guy walks into a drug store and asks for a packet of condoms. The pharmacist says, ‘That’ll be £5.00 with the tax.’ ‘Tacks?’, the guy exclaims. ‘I thought you rolled them on!’
Q: How do you get a black out of a tree? A: Cut the rope.
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Facebook is like a fridge. Every a few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there's anything good in it.
Luke: Why did the M&M go to school? Stan: I’m stumped. Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told.