Best jokes ever

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.
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Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but even Jack couldn't avoid Chuck Norris' round house kick.
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Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle. The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me. I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was. Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!" That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
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More jokes about: marriage
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
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When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.
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Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot.
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I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
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Q: What does NAACP stand for? A: National Association of Apes Called People
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More jokes about: black people
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
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Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
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More jokes about: sex