How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it. After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned. The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table. She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move. The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world. The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Chuck Norris doesn't cry. His eyes sweat.
Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
Q: What is height of Craziness? A: Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can make you feel a punch to your face in your groin.
Chuck Norris cleans his teeth with a dentists drill.