A young woman all excited called up her local police department and said, "I have a sex maniac in my apartment!" The officer at the other end said, "We'll be right over lady." The woman said, "Can you wait till morning?"
What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Last year's hide and seek champion.
Teacher: Give me an example of animal. Jimmy: Frog Teacher: Give me another. Jimmy: Another Frog.
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?" I said, "No." He said, "Stick 'em up!"
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? They know how many men went down on the Titanic.
What do you get when you cross a godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.