My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
What do nigger pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business!
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet? A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.