When you google up Chuck Norris, he googles you back for revenge.
Don't make 9/11 jokes, my dad died at the twin towers. The best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
How come niggers don’t drive convertible cars? Because they’re lips would wave on the wind and stick on their faces.
Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard... They were never seen again.
Why is it hard for a blonde to count to 70? Because 69 is such a mouthful.
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Two old men hobble into the pub. One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’ ‘All right,’ says the other. ‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.