Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking to each other. Instead, they were giving each other written notes. One evening he gave her a paper where it said: "Wake me up tomorrow morning at 6 am." The next morning he woke up and saw that it was 9 o'clock. Naturally he got very angry, but as he turned around he found a note on his pillow saying: "Wake up, it's 6 o'clock!"
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
Yo mama's so black every time she gets in a car the check oil light comes on.
Q: How do the makers of Celebrex celebrate? A: Fuck if I know
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ? A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’ Garry Shandling
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men? It changes their blood type.