Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.
One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night!
She went on and on and wouldn't stop!
The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen.
How do you do that? Says the other.
It's easy! I turn off the light!
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy.
The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen".
Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1001.....1 to hold the light bulb and 1000 to turn the house.
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Why are football stadiums always cool?
"Because they're full of fans."
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
The Playstation Network is down because Chuck Norris unplugged his PS3.
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Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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