How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields. One blonde says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear acting like she's swimming through the wheat. The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name." The other blonde says, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."
Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across. The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across. The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across. Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.
Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap? She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go? A blonde at a flashing red light!
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
The last thing that you see before you die, is Chuck Norris.