Best jokes ever

‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Vote: has 42.13 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
"Have you heard my knock-knock joke?" asked the blonde. "No," said the brunette. "Okay," said the blonde, "you start."
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More jokes about: blonde, knock-knock, stupid
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods.
Vote: has 42.09 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, sport
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, military, office
Yo mama is so fat she got on a scale and it said: One person at a time please!
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
Vote: has 42.06 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, student, teacher, technology, time
Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes it with his fist.
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen. One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. ‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said. ‘And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, food, sport
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, military