A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Douchebag!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Q: If a black guy is driving a bicycle why shouldn't I hit him?
A: Because it's probably my bicycle.
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Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
The square root of Pain is Chuck Norris.
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Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture.
"What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.
"What painter?"
"The one that painted this picture 'Soldiers at Work'."
"Yes, hut something is wrong there. Those soldiers aren't working at all!"
"That is just the greatest stroke of realism in the picture!"
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
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Do you know how Hitler tied his tennis shoes?
In little Natzie's.
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What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
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