Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris.
Once.
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The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
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Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
A: Stinkerbell!
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle.
She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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