Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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Got said, "Let there be light!"
Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers.
He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
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When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle.
She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.
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Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.