How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men? You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know. Now all he needs is a partner.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
Q: What does pontiac stand for? A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.