Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.