Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing.
"Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
Yo momma’s so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H —— d.
A blonde was headed to Detroit.
She got on the plane and sat down in first class.
A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to move from the seat.
She refused.
The flight attendent was persistant, but the blonde replied, "No, I want to sit here, I've always wanted to see what it is like in first class."
The flight attendent was getting frustrated.
Finally, after quite some time, she convinced her to move.
Another passenger who overheard the conversation asked the attendent, "How did you get her to move?"
The flight attendent replied, "I told her that first class doesn't stop in Detroit."
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood.
His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."
The man replied, "Is that your final answer"?
She said, "Yes."
...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.'
The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'.
Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, ''But they are twins.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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Chuck Norris can fly around the world on a paper airplane.
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