Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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Lately, I was by the urologist.
He examined me but he did not tell me the truth into my eyes.
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You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
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Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
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Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common.
So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing.
"Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"