Chuck Norris can Do Mental Math on Paper.
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For Chuck Norris, there is no such thing as gambling.
He already knows the outcome.
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I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.
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What happens when Chuck Norris orders a beer and gets a beer?
He roundhouses the waitress, Chuck Norris should not have to ask.
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Chuck Norris walked right into Area 51, bought a Snapple, and walked out.
No one dared to move.
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What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight.
A black eye, and a swollen lip.
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy twat!
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Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.