Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
When you have a question you check with Google. When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
A group of children once said, "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over." Those children were the dinosaurs.
Q: Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving? A: KFC isnt open on holidays.
Chuck Norris can open Microsoft Windows when he needs fresh air.
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"