Best jokes ever

Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob.
has 80.47 % from 571 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 60 1) Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2) In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3) No one expects you to run -- anywhere. 4) People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5) People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6) There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7) Things you buy now won't wear out. 8) You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 9) You can live without sex but not without your glasses. 10) You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. 11) You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 12) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 13) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 14) You sing along with elevator music. 15) Your eyes won't get much worse. 16) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 17) Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 18) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 19) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 20) You can't remember the Web site where you saw this list.
has 80.47 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: old people
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
has 80.47 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: accountant
Did you heard about the guy who finally got the job at the tampon factory? He had to pull a lot of strings to get it.
has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: work
A:I have the perfect son. Q:Does he smoke? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he drink whiskey? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he ever come home late? A:No, he doesn't. Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.
has 80.45 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, kids
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.
has 80.44 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, health, life
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: accountant
At a parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It's bec..." Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have.. Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about:
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: men
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