The following is a short list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Vote:
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife
...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !
Chuck Norris is spelled with a silent "awesome".
Vote:
When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad.
It says he's Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer: “Lazy.”
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Your mom's so fat she sat on Big Lots and it turned into Lowes!!!
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs.
Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’
‘No,’ replies his wife.
‘Have you?’