Best jokes ever

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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Q. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A. Because she's been laid all over the country.
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Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist? A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
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Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
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Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard? A. Grade 4.
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Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance? A. 144 blondes.
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Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
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A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that TV please?" The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes." So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that TV please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are." So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery. She then comes back and says "Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"
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Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It’s not very bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
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