When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school? Dan: I don’t know. Why? David: Because it was always sweeping during class!
Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school. Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Hold on," she said. "I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea? He drowned in his teepee!
Yo mamma’s so big, when people see her they start screaming: “That’s a huge bitch!”
Q. How many night club bouncers does it take to throw someone down the stairs? A. None! He fell.
Q: Why did the astronaut retire? A: He got spaced out!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.