Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking alcohol when all of a sudden, the passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl.
It's a po-lice roadblock!!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.
"We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin,' OK?" said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each stuck a label on their forehead.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl.
"We's on the patch!"
A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team.
They drowned during spring training.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
What can you serve that you cannot eat?
A tennis ball.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog.
‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman.
‘No,’ replies the boy.
And the dog bites the mailman’s leg.
‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman.
‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Did you hear about the policeman who found a stolen car on Acacia Street?
He pushed it onto Park Street – he couldn’t spell Acacia.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.