Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie. They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" she screamed. That's funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her too!
He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop. Mind you Pop will drink anything.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"
The way from the cabins to the ring is too long, says the boxer. No worries, on your way back you will come back with the stretcher...
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’