An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins. ‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller. ‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’ ‘No,’ replies the miser. ‘My sister whored most of it.’
Q: What is a thespian pony? A: A little horse play
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Don't tell her to swallow.
There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now." Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!" "It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
Yo momma’s so fat, when she dances the band skips.
What job did the blonde have at the M&M factory? Proofreading.