One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat.
He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
How is cat food sold?
Usually purr can!
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Your momma so fat...
Her blood type is Ragu.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To see what the chicken was doing.
Two crocks rest on the basin of a zoo talking:
Yesterday, the caretaker cursed me, said the older one.
What did you do?
Asks the other. - I’ve swallowed him...
Two drunk Americans were speeding down a deserted road in the Philippines
Drunk1: Are there any penguins in the tropics?
Drunk2: I don't think so.
Drunk1: Then I think we just squished a nun!
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff!
I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"