Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Women are just like fine wine.
I only like the white ones.
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A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
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Q: Why don't black people like asprin?
A: They're sick of picking through cotton.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better."
One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she went to a mind reader and was only charged half price.
Chuck Norris never needs help, help needs Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face.
Chuck Norris' beard has a face.
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Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
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