What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
Chuck Norris can follow you into a revolving door and come out ahead of you.
Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.
One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.
Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.