George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt. This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer. The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally it stopped. George thought to himself, “On no! I froze my aunt’s bird to death.” He opened the door and saw the bird alive! The bird said, “I’m sorry for my behaviour and will never act up again. George said, “Why the change?” The bird answered, “Because I saw what you did to the other bird."
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Chuck Norris never needs help, help needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face. Chuck Norris' beard has a face.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris. The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
I had an idea once, and a light bulb appeared over my head. Chuck Norris had an idea, and the sun was created.
Everyone knows the speed of light... Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.
The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.