Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
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Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband?
A bullfighter.
My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
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A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
I'm a blonde!
I'm a blonde, yay!
B-L-O...?
I'm a blonde, yay!
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.