Chuck Norris created Heavy Metal when he was upset.
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Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!
My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
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Virus "Windows" found: Delete, Repair, Next?
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About eight beers.
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other"
I wonder what hamburgers are made of?"
The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.