Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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Two fags are on a picnic,and the first guy says,"I have to take a
dumpski,"and he walks into the woods to do it.
Several minutes later,the other guy hears the first guy crying
"Boo Hoo,I Had A Miscarriage.
I Had A Miscarriage."
He runs into the woods to see what is going on.
When he gets there,the first guy is still crying,"Boo-Hoo I Had a Miscarriage...
He looks down and says,"Don't be silly.
You didn't have a miscarraige.
You had diarrhea on a toad."
How do lesbians handle their liquor?
By the ears.
(Lick her)
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in.
The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!"
The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?"
The bartender says, "Yeah.."
The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?"
The bartender says, "It's across the road."
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
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Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.
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Chuck Norris can win a game of 'Connect 4' in 3 turns.
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