Air traffic controller:
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?" 
A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.
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Chuck Norris can dunk a basketball using his feet.
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Q: What is height of Suicide?
A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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Q: What kind of kids do you get when a black and a Mexican marry.
A: Kids too lazy to steal.
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I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!"
They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde.
He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.
She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
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