Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?
A: Because the condom wouldn't fit over the phone.
When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents took him to a beach in Georgia.
While swimming Chuck Norris pants came down and out popped Florida.
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Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache?
A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
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My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
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What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
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When you sneeze, it means someone is thinking badly of you.
When you have a seizure and pass out, it means Chuck Norris is thinking badly
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, it took her an hour to cook instant rice.
When Chuck Norris kills time, that'll be the end of it.
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Chuck Norris doesn't take the cake, the cake sees Chuck Norris and begs to be devoured.
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How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.