A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?
A: Because the condom wouldn't fit over the phone.
Yo momma’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't share a toothbrush with your friends.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey.
It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" he asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."