Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
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A son and the dad are walking around on the streets.
The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind."
The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
There was no Big Bang.
Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.
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Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza Strip chatting over a pint of goats milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son.
He's a martyr.
"Here's my second son.
He's a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says , They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!
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One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
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My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
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