Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay!
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Outgoing e-mails have tobacco stains on them.
Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
How do you fit 54 Jews in a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back and 50 in the ashtray.
Q. What's green and red? A. A very mad frog.
One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a bum asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina? A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.