"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
Chuck Norris' Motto is: "The beard is mightier than the sword."
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Salmon swim upstream because Chuck Norris is downstream.
Italy looks like a boot... you know who owns that boot.
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray? A: Family research.