Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
Vote:
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets.
The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind."
The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
There was no Big Bang.
Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.
Vote:
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
Vote:
Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!
Vote:
My mother in law is so ugly that her face is like a masturbated dick!
Vote:
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"...
its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."