Randy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph. Chuck Norris can throw Randy Johnson 101mph.
Yo mama so fat she wouldn't fit in 10,000 movie seat's.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
Chuck Norris Streams Netflix on his VCR.
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
My math teacher called me average... How mean!
Q: Do you know why infinity goes on forever? A: Because it knows Chuck Norris is waiting for it at the end.
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."