How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
How do you know you’re flying over the poorer part of town? You see toilet paper hanging on the clothes lines.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.