Best jokes ever

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?" Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"! The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?" Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
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has 80.06 % from 516 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, science, teacher
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.
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has 80.04 % from 456 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time
Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
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has 80.04 % from 483 votes. More jokes about: political, sex, work
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: life
If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
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has 80.00 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis. The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also". There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
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has 79.99 % from 252 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, blonde, dirty, geography
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