Best jokes ever

What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mean, money, women
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, husband, phone, stupid
A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"
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has 80.05 % from 219 votes. More jokes about: dirty, medical, parrot, viagra
It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's the fat.
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has 80.03 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: life
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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has 80.03 % from 1216 votes. More jokes about: hospital, sex, technology
Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen. Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table. "This is your secret?" says the first guy. "Try some dip," says the third. They both take a little bit o' dip. "Ech!" says the second guy. "This tastes like s**t!" "It is s**t. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
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has 80.03 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, work
Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
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has 80.03 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
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has 80.02 % from 1042 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
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has 80.01 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
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has 80.00 % from 417 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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