Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind. It was the guy in the booth behind her. "Not so loud!" he said. "What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup. "I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply. Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich. "How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again. "Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care. "Did you pass the exam?" came the next question from behind. "I don't know, I didn't get my grade yet" replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty. "I'll have to call you back when I'm out of here", came the voice from behind once again, "some nut job is answering every question I ask you!
Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
Chuck Norris doesnt' walk away from explosions, explosions walk away from Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris was in a video game it would be called Immortal Kombat.
A 64-year-old lady never had any kids, so she went to her doctor and asked if he would help her with in-vitro fertilization. He said, "You're a little old, but I guess we could give it a try." A few months later she got pregnant. She invited her girlfriends over to see the baby, and they all very anxious to see the baby boy. The newly mother said, "why don't we just talk awhile." As time went on, her friends asked again and again where is the baby... She said, "We never get a chance to talk, and here is our chance to catch up!" Finally they insisted on seeing him. She said, "Well, we'll just have to wait until he cries before you all can see him." The women were puzzled. And she said, "I don't remember where I put him."
There was a plane crash into the jungle. A group of men survived, but were caught by savages and taken to their village. Then, chief came out of his cabbin and said:"You can choose between TUNGA-MUNGA and DEATH. What is your choice?". They looked one another and screamed:" Tunga-munga, tunga-munga!" Then chief turned to his tribe and ordered:" TUNGA-MUNGA!!" And prisoners got f****d by every single male in the tribe. Tomorrow, chief asked the same question, and they again chose tunga-munga.But,the thi rd day, they decided that they can't take it any more so they chose death instead. Chief asked if they were sure about their decision, and after affirmative answer he turned to his tribe and ordered:" TUNGA-MUNGA TILL DEATH!!"
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Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
The Titanic didn't sink by an ice burg, Chuck Norris was doing the back stroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.