During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Bishop with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the Bishop looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Bishop and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The Bishop put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage? They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp? (A bear-faced lyre!)
When you think that you are looking at Chuck Norris' picture, think again... he's looking at you.
There are 5 known levels of Super-Saiyan. Achieving the 6th level is known as "Going Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Chuck Norris fills a 1-Liter Bottle With 2 liters of water.
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."
Teacher: “How do you spell “dog”?” Boy: “D, o, g, enter.”
Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.