What's faster than a black guy running with a TV?
His brother with the DVD player.
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom?
He wanted to keep the swelling down.
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.
One of the chamber members stood up and said,
"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.
As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away.
Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use.
Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse.
Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again.
Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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Climate change is just Chuck Norris playing with the thermostat.
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Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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