A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional.
Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him.
The priest addresses him through the grille.
‘Good morning, my son.
What can I do for you?’
‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk.
‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."
Vote:
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
(A bear-faced lyre!)
I got really love sick the other day working away from home.
Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Q:What did the black girl say while having sex?
A:Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen