When Chuck Norris plays the game Clue, the answer is always everyone in every room with a roundhouse kick!
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When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.
As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away.
Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use.
Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse.
Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again.
Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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Teacher: You boy, what’s your name?
Boy: Mickey Jones.
Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here.
We don’t use first names.
Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
What's green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen.
The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report.
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said.
"This is positively the last deal."