When Chuck Norris plays the game Clue, the answer is always everyone in every room with a roundhouse kick!
Vote:
When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
Vote:
Linux is like a wigwam: no windows, no gates, apache inside...
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces?
Nothing all the good ones are taken.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited.
Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was.
He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"
"Yo momma so fat she was baptized in the ocean!"
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.
He responds, "No, the seat's empty."
"The first man exclaims, "What?!?
Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?"
The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together."
The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that.
Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."