She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage?
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.
He responds, "No, the seat's empty."
"The first man exclaims, "What?!?
Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?"
The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together."
The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that.
Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
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When Chuck Norris plays the game Clue, the answer is always everyone in every room with a roundhouse kick!
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When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
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Teacher: You boy, what’s your name?
Boy: Mickey Jones.
Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here.
We don’t use first names.
Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because it won't come.
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.
As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away.
Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use.
Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse.
Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again.
Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
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