Best jokes ever

‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen
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has 26.85 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: sex
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
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has 26.83 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, ginger
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
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has 26.83 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training. As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away. Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use. Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse. Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again. Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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has 26.83 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: blonde, customer service, horse, life
‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’ Fred Allen
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has 26.79 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: sex
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: school
When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
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has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Teacher: You boy, what’s your name? Boy: Mickey Jones. Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here. We don’t use first names. Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: school
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
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