Best jokes ever

I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
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A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
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What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
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There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
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Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.
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More jokes about: age, time, wife
Why did the chicken cross the road? So he can make you curious.
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A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."
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Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!" she screamed. That's funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her too!
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