Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
Vote:
Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
Q: Why did Mexico send only a couple thousand Mexicans to fight in the Alamo?
A: Because they only had 4 trucks.
Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
"Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sunbath!