Best jokes ever

Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
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has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
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has 26.93 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven. There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise. Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell. After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations." St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise. From that day and then there was a disturbing silence. After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what? Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking. Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ. He calls him and says: "God will punish you" And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
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has 26.88 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, heaven, life
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn... Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!
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has 26.88 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
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