Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk? A: The utter side.
The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...
What kind of rocks do young geologists play with? Marbles.
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers, "Oh sorry! can I have a diet coke then?"
This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The bartender says, "hay buddy what's your hurry?" The man replies, "if you had what I have you would do the same thing." The bartender backs up and says, "what do you have?" The man anwers, "about 75 cents!"
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Why did the blonde ask for some burned-out light bulbs? She needed them for her darkroom.