What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater?
A plain clothes police dog!
Two packets walk into a bar.
One of the packets asks the bartender for a drink, and gets no response
The other packet tries and the bartender shrugs him off.
One packet leans to the other and says, "The quality of service here is terrible!"
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
Answer: His lips begin to move.
A true story, according to the LA Times.....
Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"
Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
When does a female deer need money?
When she doesnt have a buck.
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.