Best jokes ever

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that James mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, James!"
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: death, military
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, IT, marriage
Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: school
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..
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has 26.77 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: cop
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
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has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, ginger
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
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has 26.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, kids, life, war
Yo mama so fat, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.
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has 26.72 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, technology, Yo mama
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
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has 26.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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has 26.59 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: bible, catholic, Chuck Norris
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