Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.
I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast.
So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’
At least that’s what I meant to say.
What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
What is a baby?
"A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
Vote:
A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.
Yo mama so fat, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.
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One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
Q: What do you call a cremated black person?
A: 100% cocoa powder.
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