How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One to screw it in and the other to wear skinny jeans.
Q: What do you call a black drinking out of the toilet? A: Pushing his luck.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
Two old ladies are discussing their dead husbands. ‘Tell me,’ says one. ‘Did you have mutual orgasms?’ ‘No,’ says the other. ‘I think we were with the Prudential.’
Knock knock. Who's there? Allahu Akbar. Allahu AK- BOOM!!!
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me. Look how time files!
Man returning with his wife from guests. Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife. But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?