Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
A true story, according to the LA Times..... Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?" Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?" 2nd Officer: "Who?" 1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!" 2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?" 1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello? A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.