Why has Guinness got a white head on it?
So when you’re drunk you know which end to start on.
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop?
A recovering alcoholic.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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Q: How do you know if you have a asian neighbour?
A: They have been reported in over 10 car accidents on the news, their car has scratches, their on P's and they park one car on their driveway which is meant for to cars, and they park their second car in front of your house.
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
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Justin Bieber was inspired by Usher because of his music and dance, Usher was inspired by Michael Jackson The King of Pop, Michael Jackson was inspired by...Chuck Norris.
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Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have."
The other to asked how.
She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy".
The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat.
Sorry...
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!