Best jokes ever

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
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has 79.40 % from 1107 votes. More jokes about: sex
6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card. Sex: F He laughs. Mom: "Whats so funny?" Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in sex that you failed in it." Husband died laughing.
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has 79.38 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, sex, wife
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
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has 79.38 % from 794 votes. More jokes about: kids, sex, women
A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. He asked, "Honey what are you doing?" She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."
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has 79.38 % from 1289 votes. More jokes about: sex
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
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has 79.38 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, doctor
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired.'
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has 79.37 % from 1024 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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has 79.37 % from 514 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user... Help desk: Double click on "My Computer". Lady: I can't see your computer... Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer. Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?! Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it... Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
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has 79.37 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: computer, customer service, IT
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Student: A teacher!
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has 79.37 % from 1090 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture.", the man said. And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked. "My wife!!!" said the man.
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has 79.36 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, wife
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