Best jokes ever

Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.
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has 79.29 % from 418 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, time
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
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has 79.28 % from 444 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, holiday, sport, travel
Three guys (Asian, American, and a Mexican) are on a hot air balloon trying to get back home. Something punctured the hot air balloon so now its going down really fast. The three guys decided to throw stuff that they don't need away so the balloon won't fall down too fast. The Asian threw away rice and said, "I have a lot of this in my country." The Mexican threw away beans and said, "I have a lot of this in my country." The American threw over the Mexican. The Asian was like, "Why did you do that for?" The American said, "We have a lot of these in my country."
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has 79.28 % from 1217 votes. More jokes about: racist
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
‘What were you in civilian life, soldier?’ ‘Happy, sir.’
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: military
Once there was a little boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss." The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite." The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, "Daddy I have to whisper." The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear."
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has 79.27 % from 243 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, disgusting
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." The man asks, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"
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has 79.27 % from 496 votes. More jokes about: sex
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, life, time
Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you cant move.
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men
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