Best jokes ever

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
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has 79.59 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
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has 79.57 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: hipster
Songs are not going to make us do anything we would not ordinarily do. Because if that was the case, the song "Achy Breaky Heart" would have made me kill somebody about a year ago.
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has 79.57 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, life, music
I busted a mirror the other day. That's seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
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has 79.57 % from 19 votes. More jokes about:
What do you call a Mexican knight? The Chosen Juan.
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has 79.56 % from 252 votes. More jokes about: mexican, racist
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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has 79.56 % from 946 votes. More jokes about: sex
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, lawyer
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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has 79.54 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a school looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?” The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!” The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, idiot?”
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has 79.54 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: school
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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has 79.52 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
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