Best jokes ever

Yo momma so fat, she fell into a black hole and it clogged!
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has 79.33 % from 1594 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
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has 79.31 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. He asked, "Honey what are you doing?" She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."
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has 79.29 % from 1309 votes. More jokes about: sex
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied. The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?" The applicant said, "No, not really." "So you don't have any vices?" "Well, I do have one," he admitted. "And what would that be?" the boss asked. "I tell lies."
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, drug, women, work
Yo mama's so fat when she stepped on a scale it said: "A.B.C.D.E.F.G get your fat ass off of me."
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has 79.27 % from 323 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat, insulting, vulgar, Yo mama
Two Generals were preparing for battle. The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!" The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform. The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage. The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"
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has 79.27 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, military, stupid, war
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: love, money, wife
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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has 79.27 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, doctor, life
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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has 79.26 % from 344 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, cop, horse, kids, money
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