Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.