Best jokes ever

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
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has 79.34 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: old people
Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"
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has 79.34 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: life
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
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has 79.34 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: blonde
You know your f*cked when the Asian says, "shit", during the test.
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has 79.33 % from 1816 votes. More jokes about: racist, school
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
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has 79.33 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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has 79.31 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school." "How much special?" "Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
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has 79.31 % from 387 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale? White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"
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has 79.29 % from 3780 votes. More jokes about: black people
An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization. The Greek: We built the Acropolis! the Italian: We built the colloseum! The Greek: We gave the world advanced math! the Italian: We made the Roman Empire! The Greek: We discovered sex! the Italian: And we introduced it to women!
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has 79.28 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A female police officer pulls over a drunk driver Officer: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law." Driver: "Tits"
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has 79.28 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: cop
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