Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
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My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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More jokes about: sex
Yo mamma is so fat, she got hit by a car and said: Who threw that rock???
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At a Barrack, the commander calls the captain: "Take as many soldiers you need and start building additional toilets. The number of the people in need has increased!" "I would suggest, sir, instead of building more toilets, maybe we should hire a new cook!"
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More jokes about: military
I was wondering why air is so polluted. Then I remembered people saying "Love is in the air". Now it makes sense.
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More jokes about: love, mean
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
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More jokes about: customer service, fitness, work
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
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More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
Two Italian men get on a bus... They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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More jokes about: communication, ethnic, friendship, sex, vulgar
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
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More jokes about: dad, dog, kids, life


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