Best jokes ever

Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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has 79.40 % from 1842 votes. More jokes about: new year, prison, racist
A kid was crying standing outside his house. A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?" Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house." Passer by: "Who is your father?" Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
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has 79.39 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: family, kids
A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says , "Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said "That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00." She says, "That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her... being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn’t you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
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has 79.39 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: customer service, fish, money, women
What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. Wing, Wing, Halo
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has 79.39 % from 362 votes. More jokes about: phone, racist
A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
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has 79.39 % from 399 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mexican, money, wife
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a school looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?” The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!” The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, idiot?”
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has 79.38 % from 298 votes. More jokes about: school
Peter: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? Ted: What? Peter: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”
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has 79.37 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: school
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
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has 79.36 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *poof!* she’s gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she’s gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
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has 79.36 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, music, women
Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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has 79.36 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: school
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