You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.
Get to know your mate. If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front. And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up. Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.
There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”" The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine." The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time