Best jokes ever

Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"
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has 79.18 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, nurse
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. "Sure," I said, "as long as you provide your own kennel." I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: airplane, communication, customer service, dog, stupid
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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has 79.18 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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has 79.17 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says 'expired.'
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has 79.17 % from 1039 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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has 79.16 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: school
When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head. When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through.
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has 79.13 % from 446 votes. More jokes about: music, old people
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
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has 79.13 % from 326 votes. More jokes about: love, phone, women
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
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has 79.13 % from 477 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
“Honey”, says the wife to her husband, “last night I had the most AMAZING dream..I dreamed that we were making love and next to our bed there was a black man from Africa who was waving a fan to us and that gave me great satisfaction..” The couple decided to make the dream come true, so they found a black man and offered him 200 euros to wave the fan to them while they made love. The three of them went home and the couple started having sex while the black man was waving the fan. But still the wife couldn’t get any satisfaction..So she proposed that they should change roles. She would make love with the black man and the husband would wave the fan next to them. The husband accepted and started waving the fan… After a while, the wife screamed of pleasure and asked for more! So the husband said to the black man: “Do you understand now how you should wave the fan, you ashole?”
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has 79.12 % from 451 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, sex, wife
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