Best jokes ever

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice Doggy", until your sniper gets the range.
Vote: has 78.82 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
Vote: has 78.81 % from 682 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, sex, women
My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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More jokes about: sex
An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
Vote: has 78.81 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, money, wife
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
Vote: has 78.80 % from 1031 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
What is height of Secrecy? Offering blank visiting cards.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
I'm tired 8 days a week.
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More jokes about: life, time
"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.
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More jokes about: technology, time
Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
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More jokes about: life
Me: "I'm finally happy!" Life: "Lol, wait a sec."
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More jokes about: life